So the other night I was minding my own business, when I decided it was time to do a little research for my stand-up act. I executed this mission the best way I knew how: search the TV guide for the most ridiculous television shows. 

To my benefit, I found one titled My Cat From Hell on the Animal Planet. The show is basically about stupid people who let their cats rule their world. There’s one woman who had a cat that did not allow her to get pregnant. I felt my IQ dropping with every minute I tuned in… and I watched the entire marathon. 

And then this guy comes in, and he’s like the Cat Whisperer or some shit and he finds out why the cat is acting. Uh, maybe because his own is the one that’s a pussy! 

He arrives like it’s an episode of Hoarders and he’s there for a Cat-ervention and then comes to the conclusion that the cat has arthritis and needs to be taken to get acupuncture. Uh, no. It needs to be taken to get euthanized.